Labour's deputy leader caught in 'telling truth' scandal

The British Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott has had to strongly deny growing speculation that he had a recent 'dangerous liason' with the truth yesterday.

In what looks like another damaging affair with reality, it is reported that 'Prezza' described US President George Bush as 'crap'. Mr Prescott has since described the idea that as a New Labour politician he might tell the truth as being 'inaccurate'. 'This is an inaccurate report of a private conversation and it is not my view' he said last night.

However, this does not look like being the end of the matter, by any means. Crucially, Mr Prescott, 68, refused to accept damaging further allegations that in him describing any other political figure as being 'crap', he was guilty of the charge of gross hypocrisy. Prescott is also accused of the latter charge of hypocrisy for describing President Bush as being merely a 'cowboy with his stetson on'. Mr Prescott recently returned from a trip to America where he enjoyed dressing up as er, a cowboy with his stetson on.

Mr Prescott has recently argued that the idea that anyone should criticise the likes of Bush and Blair at this most crucial moment in the battle against international terrorism was 'almost beyond belief' and 'undermined unity' at a time 'when we should all stand united'. Whatever our other misgivings about John Prescott, let there be no doubt that Histomat completely endorses this statement.

John Prescott surely represents the best of the British bull-dog spirit in the face of adversity, and it is imperative that everyone rallies around Bush and Blair at a time when their number of enemies seems to be growing in strength every day. Indeed, it might be argued that with his love of calmly playing croquet while evil foreign terrorists gather their forces and threaten invasion that John Prescott is arguably following in the traditions of the mighty Drake, with his love of boules, at the time of the Spanish Armada. 'There is plenty of time to win this game, and to trash the Spaniards too' Francis Drake so memorably said. However, we can be thankful that while in the days of old the likes of Drake had to lead from the front, today our dear beloved rulers no longer have to risk combat themselves but can simply send British working class kids to go and fight and die on their behalf. This is called 'Progress'. The modern soldier's motto was aptly summed up by Rudyard Kipling: 'Ours is not to question why, ours is but to do and die'.

After all, why would American and British soldiers today ever need to question anything about the 'war on terror' - when there are intellectual and physical heavyweights of the stature of John Prescott, and model democratic leaders (so unlike the bloated plutocrats of old) like George Bush and Tony Blair, around to do all the thinking for them?