Sicko

Dear readers, I fear I may have contracted 'neoconitis', which is apparently a 'disease endemic in the UK and the US'. According to Dr Alan Johnson, contracting the disease apparently 'blocks off any proper consideration of the social democratic antitotalitarianism of Paul Berman, Václav Havel, Adam Michnik, Ladan Boroumand, Kanan Makiya, Azar Nafisi, Bernard Kouchner, Tony Blair, or Gordon Brown.' Still, if I am 'suffering' from neoconitis, at least I haven't got whatever the hell it is Johnson has gone down with. Anyone who can praise the likes of the wretched war criminal turned Wall Street investment banker Tony Blair or the champion of ID Cards and Trident nuclear submarines Gordon Brown for their 'social democratic antitotalitarianism' surely needs serious medical help fast. I am no doctor, but it seems to me that Johnson should be relieved of the burden of writing for the Guardian as a matter of some urgency, and possibly quarantined immediately to stop whatever it is he has got spreading. Not that I can see much chance of Johnson's disease spreading, to be honest, but it is usually better to be safe than sorry on matters like this.