Histomat: Adventures in Historical Materialism

'Historical materialism is the theory of the proletarian revolution.' Georg Luk√°cs

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Another Histomat Exclusive

After the recent announcement of the policy 'Local Homes for Local People', Histomat can exclusively reveal today that Gordon Brown unveiled a new policy for the retail sector...

'Local Shops for Local People'


A Local Shop, yesterday

Speaking of his new policy exclusively to Histomat, Brown said

'If you are local, then for convenience and practicality you need a local shop. And by local I mean local, and by local shop, I mean of course Tesco Extras, Sainsbury's Local, Tesco Metros, Sainsbury's Local, Tesco Express, and so on, so everyone can benefit from the whole diverse range of local options. In this time of economic insecurity we as New Labour, are going to champion Local Shops for Local People.'

When asked by one owner of a cornershop if this meant Brown would now provide additional support for post-offices, cornershops or small independent high street traders facing closure, Brown replied, 'Are you local? This is about Local Shops for Local People and we are New Labour. There is nothing for you here'.

In other news, Brown is reportedly also set to follow the path set by his predecessor Tony Blair who appeared in The Simpsons and set by Tory Mayor Boris Johnson's forthcoming appearance on EastEnders and plans to appear in a TV series himself. In the new series of the League of Gentleman, Brown will play a local councillor who stands for mayor of Royston Vasey on a programme of 'Local Homes and Local Shops for Local People'. The programme makers refuse to reveal in advance whether Brown's election attempt is successful or not.

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