Histomat: Adventures in Historical Materialism

'Historical materialism is the theory of the proletarian revolution.' Georg Luk√°cs

Saturday, July 21, 2007

The latest from the BB house...

Day 24 9.49pm
The housemates, with the exception of Digby who is busy eating cake in the kitchen area, are all in the sitting room. They are talking about places they have visited on holiday...

DAVID: My best holiday ever was spent in the States. I just love everything about America...
ALISTAIR: What? Even George Bush and the neo-cons?
GORDON: Now now darling, don't be anti-American...

Big Brother No. 10 has been criticised by some on the outside for being one of the dullest ever, despite the claim that it was a house 'of all the talents'. The first task of the house involved housemates revealing their particular 'talent' to their fellow housemates. Gordon's talent was a perverse party trick, known as the 'Brown bounce'. However housemates have soon tired of Gordon's repeated attempts to perform this and have spent increasing amounts of time moaning about Gordon behind his back in the Diary room. Alistair's talent was a distinctly convincing impression of an owl. Digby's talent was his ability to consume vast quantities of pies. However, when it was the turn of Harriet to show off her 'talent', she burst into tears and ran into the bedroom complaining that the task was 'unfair'. The housemates accordingly failed the talent task, adding to the building tensions in the house...

Day 24 11pm
Suddenly the door opens and another four new housemates appear! Lets meet them!

Name: Shaun 'Wooster' Woodward

Favourite colour: Money
Occupation: Minister for Northern Ireland
First Words in the House: 'This house is so tiny - How on earth do people live in conditions such as this?'
Life Philosophy: Careerism.
Likes: Being so rich he can own a butler.
Dislikes: Proles.
Why BB?: 'Sounds like bloody good fun, eh wot?'

Name: Jeeves.

Favourite colour: Black
Occupation: Shaun Woodward's butler.
First Words in the House: 'After you, sir.'
Life Philosophy: Being quite intelligent.
Likes: Reading.
Dislikes: Fascists.
Why BB?: I really couldn't say.

Name: Jacqui

Favourite colour: Brown
Occupation: Home Secretary
First Words in the House: 'Lets get this Party started!'
Life Philosophy: Careerism mixed with hypocrisy.
Likes: Partying.
Dislikes: Young people. Cannabis.
Why BB?: This Big Brother is so boring - I am the person to liven things up!

Name: Ed

Favourite colour: Brown.
Occupation: Cabinet Office Minister
First Words in the House: 'This is so much better than school!'
Life Philosophy: Careerism
Likes: Doing homework. Harry Potter.
Dislikes: Going to school everyday.
Why BB?: 'As the youngest ever housemate on Big Brother, I believe I can bring something new to the Big Brother house - apart from the latest Harry Potter book of course!'

What difference will the new housemates make? Could they be the saviours of Big Brother No. 10? Or will this lot go down as the dullest collection of housemates ever? Stay tuned to find out!

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