Histomat: Adventures in Historical Materialism

'Historical materialism is the theory of the proletarian revolution.' Georg Luk√°cs

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Histomat Exclusive: Brown's conference speech leaked

[Once again Histomat is proud to be first with the leaked transcript of Gordon's Brown's speech to next week's Labour Party conference - entitled 'The Age of Change means the Party must Change' - which I am happy to put online even though it makes quite chilling reading for any socialist or democrat...]

The Age of Change means the Party must Change by Gordon Brown

Brothers, sisters, comrades, conference.

The Age of Change is finally upon us. The ten years in Britain without boom and bust in the economy are over. The ten years of relative industrial peace are over. We must all face up to the Age of Change. And the Age of Change means the Party must Change.

For too long the Party has struggled to keep pace with the Age of Change. The Party has fallen in number over the last decade. It is no longer a mass Party. We are no longer a mass Party.

Such a state of affairs cannot go on forever. We need to renew the Party. We need to 'renew' New Labour. [Pause for applause] Indeed, we need New New Labour. [Pause for applause] But New New Labour does not sound a good name. We need to rename the Party. The Age of Change means the Party must change - and the Party must change its name.

Brothers and sisters, I do not propose removing the name 'Labour Party'. That is there to stay. It is our foundation stone. It is our talisman. It is our soul. It is our Northern Soul. It is our rock. It is our Northern Rock. The Labour Party is, if I be permitted a joke, as solid as Northern Rock. [Pause for laughter].

But the Age of Change means the Party must be more than a rock. The Party must also learn 'to roll' with the Age of Change. The Party must learn to rock and roll. [Pause for laughter and applause].

That is something that Tony taught us. [gesture towards Tony Blair and wait for applause to finish].

I propose adding three words to the name 'Labour Party'. The first is 'British'.

Britishness as an identity is fundamental to the Labour Party. We have always as a Party been proud to be British, and proud of British values. But we have too often let the Conservatives and Right Wing take the banner of nationalism and wrap themselves in it. We must reclaim the Union Jack, our flag, and we must proudly declare ourselves to be not only the Labour Party, but the British Labour Party. [Pause for applause]

The second word is 'Socialist'. Yes, Socialist. The Labour Party has always declared itself to be a Socialist Party and we should be more explicit about that. Too many good Socialists have left our Party. We need Socialists inside the Party. We need to build the Labour Party as a Socialist Party. [Pause for applause]

The final word is 'National'. Our Socialism is not international, but national, rooted in Britishness, in the British people and their history. We are a national Party. We should be open about this, and be proud of our national identity, as well as our socialist identity. [Pause for applause].

Comrades, I propose to conference that the name of our Party shall no longer be 'The Labour Party'.

We shall be from now on the National Socialist British Labour Party (NSBLP).[Pause for applause]

Our rallying cry shall be 'British Jobs for British Workers in the Age of Change'.[Pause for applause]

There are two concrete changes I propose in addition to this.

The first is concerns foreign policy and the need to defend the British Empire. We are Socialists, but British Socialists, Empire Socialists. There is nothing to apologise for in the British past. We should rejoice in British history. I propose setting up a new post of 'Neo-Colonial Secretary' to oversee the defence of our Empire and to overwatch our reclaimed colony in Iraq and our new colony in Afghanistan.

The second concerns the debt we owe to our forebearers. I propose establishing a British Day to celebrate the great Britons of the past. And now we come onto Margeret Thatcher. She saw the need for change in Britain long before we did. She recognised the need to massively redistribute wealth and power in Britain and she had the courage of her convictions to follow it through. She understood that as far back as 1978, in an interview on Granada TV, that when the British Empire was weak then there was a need to defend Britishness at home. This is what she said:

'I think people are really rather afraid that this country might be rather swamped by people with a different culture and, you know, the British character has done so much for democracy and law, and has done so much throughout the world, that if there is any fear that it might be swamped, people are going to be really rather hostile to those coming in.'

Thatcher was absolutely right. She then went on to strengthen the British Empire and epitomised our beloved imperial icon 'Britannia' in her waging of the Falklands War. We must continue to work to rebuild the British Empire abroad and defend British values of toleration and fair play at home. Our new party emblem shows how we can do this side by side with our great allies - the American Empire:

[Pause for applause]

Our fighting slogans must be:

Forward to Overwatch in Iraq and Afghanistan!

Let the glorious British Empire last 1,000 years!

British Jobs for British Workers!

Build National Socialism!

Long live the National Socialist British Labour Party!

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At 6:09 pm, Blogger Ellis said...

Very droll. And monstrously plausible...

At 1:34 am, Blogger Renegade Eye said...

Does he realize he is advocating national socialism?

At 4:09 pm, Blogger Oscar Miller said...

My God - beyond monstrously plausible. He really did say 'British jobs for British workers'.

At 2:20 pm, Blogger Obat Sipilis said...

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