Histomat: Adventures in Historical Materialism

'Historical materialism is the theory of the proletarian revolution.' Georg Luk√°cs

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Rain stops play in the BB House...

Day 32 4.06pm

The housemates are in the living area sitting around two tables. Torrential rain outside the BB No. 10 House has meant that Big Brother has provided them with board games to entertain them. Digby, Hazel, Shaun, Ed and Jacqui are sitting together, ready to play 'Monopoly'.

DIGBY: My favourite game this - taught me everything I know in life. I'll be the 'Top Hat'...
SHAUN: Oh yes, cracking fun travelling round London buying up property, eh wot? ...I'll be the 'Bag of Money'. I'll have another Pimms, Jeeves.
JEEVES: Very good, Sir.
ED: I'll be 'the car'. My dad once told me that this game was invented by anti-capitalist Quakers to try and teach people how capitalism failed as an economic system as everyone began with equal wealth and yet by the end of the game one person had the lot and everyone else had nothing...
DIGBY: Bolshie nonsense, boy. Capitalism rewards talent and those that work hard...[whispers to Ed: you want to know the secret to winning Monopoly son - get lucky and land on 'Orange' and then built up that set..]
ED: Wow thanks - you are so cool Digby...
HAZEL: I'll be 'the dog'.*
JACQUI: Oh great - I'm left with the 'old boot'. Thanks guys.

Meanwhile on the other table, the remaining housemates are in the middle of the game 'Risk'

HARRIET: I'm so bored. This game is just about armies fighting each other the whole time - isn't there enough of that going on in the outside world?
DAVID: Well, Harriet, my father once told me that Risk must have been invented by anti-imperialists, as it shows that inevitably all empires must fall...
GORDON: Well by the way this game is going it looks like my empire might just prove that 'law of history' wrong - I am poised to take over the whole world - no one here seems capable of stopping me...
ALISTAIR: Well, Gordon, you might have achieved global hegemony but you haven't dislodged me yet from Afghanistan after the fourth time of trying, and Jack has you bogged down in Mesopotamia and Persia...
GORDON: I will destroy you, darling...
DAVID: How many troops are you willing to keep sending in Gordon? You keep sending 'em in, they keep coming back in bodybags...shouldn't one learn from History at all?
JACK: Victory to the resistance!
GORDON: I think someone has had one too many Shandy's...Now, back to the game everyone. Concentrate. Where was I? Ah, yes, Afghanistan... [Gordon mutters to himself: I will conquer Afghanistan for the greater glory of the British Empire...it is...my destiny...]

Will Digby win Monopoly? Will Gordon keep risking it all in an attempt to conquer Afghanistan? Can you stand the excitement? Stay tuned folks!

[*Readers - please note that this is not me trying to be sexist, I just think Hazel would probably want to be the little Scotty dog...]



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